Voiceless Lies
by Aissu
Summary: When the words crawl across his wrist, he can only wonder about the reason behind the lies. His soulmate's lies. [AkuAtsu][Soulmate AU](in which atsushi finds himself in an actual zoo?)
1. Chapter 1

**_[double posting, originally posted on AO3 under the AkuAtsu tag]  
Well, it's my first fic for the fandom, and it's a Soulmate AU! I thought the idea was original enough (but I have no clue if anyone else has ever thought it up. In any case, before I start rambling, I hope you enjoy! _**

* * *

Akutagawa was drifting asleep when he felt an itch on his wrist. He frowned and scratched at it furiously, hoping it wasn't the bed bugs. Next to him, Gin shifted in her sleep, her eyebrows scrunched tight. When he reached out to hold his sister, the dark scribbles he saw on his wrist stopped him.

It couldn't be.

Squinting in the dark, he could barely make out the words inked on his skin; so dark it seemed to blotch.

 _'I did it.'_

A violent cough ran through his body and he stared at his hand, wide-eyed.

At nine years old, Akutagawa discovered, to his horror, that he _did_ have a soulmate. And this soulmate of his told lies often.

* * *

By the time he was fifteen, Akutagawa only had Gin left. The other children they had known in the slums were taken by traffickers. They had wandered around for days, starving. His poor constitution had rendered him unable to move on most days, and despite his protests, it was Gin who ran about pickpocketing, amassing enough money to barely keep them alive. If this was the kind of life they were destined to live, Akutagawa wondered if it was even worth living at all.

Summer came and the sweltering heat did nothing to improve his condition. Gin sat next to him with an almost glazed expression on her face. Akutagawa struggled to stand, and it was then that he saw writings on his upper arm. It was even darker than the first time his soulmate's lies had appeared on his skin. And the darker the lie, he had come to learn, the more serious the lie.

' _The Headmaster is... the best.'_

He couldn't make head or tail of it, and he wondered if the boy was some judgmental prat. His thoughts on his soulmate didn't linger long when someone poked his head into the alleyway.

Akutagawa took a wobbling step forward, his throat tightening. He couldn't even muster the strength to lift his arms into a defensive position. Every step he took, his lungs burned and his body groaned in protest.

"Hey, hey, calm down!" The man smiling widely at him looked like a goof, save for the bizarre bandages running up his hands. "I heard there's a pair of ruffians causing trouble in the area. I've got an offer, and I'm absolutely positive you'll love it."

Akutagawa stared at the man, incredulous. "What?"

* * *

When Atsushi was seven, he was pushed against a wall and made to hold still while the sneering older boy waved a pair of scissors in the air. He flinched when he heard the definite _snip-snip_ and the soft whoosh of air as locks of his hair fell to the ground.

"Now nobody will mistake you for a girl, Nakajima!" the boy howled with laughter, and Atsushi couldn't help but watch as the glinting metal brushed against the last shoulder-length lock of his grey hair.

"What's going on?"

The boys stepped back, and the bully shoved the scissors into Atsushi's trembling hands. He snarled and gripped the younger boy's shoulder with enough force to bruise. "If the Headmaster asks who did it, what're you going to say?"

Atsushi swallowed. When he didn't answer, he felt the iron grip grow tighter and he hissed in pain.

"What. Are. You. Going. To. Say."

When he finally answered, his voice was hoarse.

"I did it."

* * *

The orphanage had gained a number of sponsors over the years, and Atsushi was thrilled when they announced that they would all have a trip to the zoo. He hung around at the back as everyone got into pairs, and he kept his head low. He could feel the Headmaster's piercing gaze but it didn't dampen his mood. It was the first time in years he had ever been out of the orphanage.

As they walked around the enclosures, he couldn't help but wonder how the animals felt, trapped in a cage until their masters let them go. If they ever did. Some of the animals watched the young visitors closely, but most went about their enclosures paying little heed.

"Hey, I heard they have white tigers!" he heard one of the girls whisper to her friend. His eyes widened. White tigers? He had never heard of such an incredible thing...

"Come on, let's check it out!"

Their guides were further ahead and failed to notice the girls sneaking away. Atsushi looked behind him. The Headmaster was facing the other way, engaged in conversation with another caretaker. Emboldened, Atsushi followed the girls to see the white tigers.

He saw a crowd of people and he pushed through them, peering over the railing. The sight left him breathless. The majestic beasts were snow-white, their fur striped black and their blue-grey eyes were captivating. Something twinged in him, and it almost felt like they were looking straight at him.

He leaned over a little, his heart thudding.

What happened next - he would never fully understand, no matter how much he pondered and pored over his memories. As the crowd pushed past, he felt a push on his back.

"Good riddance." As soft as the breeze but he knew for sure he had heard it.

He fell into the enclosure and bounced onto the safety net before tumbling onto the ground, his heart quaking and his head pounding. Across the small pool, the tigers watched him. He pressed up against the wall of the enclosure, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want to die, not like this, no, no, no more pain.

He heard the shouts and screams above him ("Help! He fell in! A boy fell into the white tiger enclosure!") and in a split second, the pair of tigers were bounding across, towards him. He screamed when one of them grabbed his leg, and it was futile even when he tried to kick. Atsushi yelped when the other grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and he lost his breath when they dragged him across the enclosure, into the dark cave on the other side. He trembled when they pushed him in, his hands shaking so hard and his mind screaming at him to just get up and _run._

There was a low growl and Atsushi cowered, his hands splayed out in an attempt to keep them away. "Please, please don't," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I won't do anything bad again so please, please." His voice cracked and his whimpers turned into sobs as he waited for his imminent death.

When he heard nothing but subsiding growls, he cracked an eye open and stared at the tigers resting on their paws, watching him. He found the strength then to scramble backwards, tears streaking his dirt-smudged cheeks. They made no movement, but one of them bared its canines. Atsushi stopped squirming and the tigers finally stood, approaching him. He flinched when warm breath ghosted over his ear. A startled squeak escaped him when he felt something wet on his neck. The tiger - it was licking his neck. The other settled next to Atsushi and let out a few rumbles (and Atsushi couldn't understand why on earth it seemed so content). When the tiger was done licking his neck, it settled heavily against him and Atsushi traced the wetness on his neck, right where the mottled bruises from a tightened chain had formed.

Why wasn't he dead yet?

When it became apparent that the tigers weren't going to do anything to him, he found himself relaxing against their warm bodies, bewildered all the while. A few minutes later, there was a crack and a few shouts and the tigers immediately shot up. Atsushi pulled himself off the ground, heart in his mouth. The beasts gently nudged him out of the cave and Atsushi tripped out, taking one last glance at the tigers, their eyes glinting in the dark.

"Young man!"

He looked out to see some of the zookeepers standing where he had fallen, their hands on something in their pockets and Atsushi half-ran, half-stumbled towards them, sinking to his knees as they tried to support him. They pulled him up quickly and Atsushi clung to them, the strength sapped out of him entirely.

"Atsushi! I was so worried!" He barely had time to register the exact moment when the Headmaster engulfed him in a tight embrace, and he felt his neck burn from phantom traces of pain. The cloying smell of antiseptic and something foul stuck to him long after the Headmaster had pulled away, his dark eyes promising pain beyond measure.

The thirteen-year-old knew for sure that his fall hadn't been a mere accident (the papers next day read: 'Boy falls into white tiger enclosure and miraculously survives!'). For a day or two, the reporters were constantly at their gates, trying to get in contact with Atsushi. Apart from the tiger incident, how was life at the orphanage? Were they happy there? The one time he had been allowed to speak to them, he plastered a smile on his face, his heart falling as the words rolled off his tongue.

"Oh yes. We're very happy here. The Headmaster... is the best."


	2. Chapter 2

Atsushi was utterly and hopelessly lost. Navigating the streets of Yokohama wasn't as easy as he had thought. Even with the tattered map in his hands, the never-ending rush of people and the loud buzz of the world was driving him half-mad. The rags hung off his bony shoulders and he had long forgotten to put a name to the gnawing emptiness in his stomach.

He collapsed in an inconspicuous corner, wriggling his toes to lessen the biting pain from the blisters that had formed. He pushed back a lock of grey hair and watched the sea of people through his purple-yellow eyes. Atsushi remembered, then, the warmth of the two beasts who had comforted him instead of devouring him alive. With renewed vigour, the teenager took a look at the map, tracing the path to the Yokohama Zoo with a grimy finger. He made his way to the zoo somehow, and it was dark by the time he got to the entrance. Atsushi handed up the last of his money at the entrance and followed the signs to the white tiger enclosure.

There were a few people, given it was almost closing time. He stayed in the shadows until everyone had drifted off and he leaned over the railing, trying to catch a glimpse of the tigers. Under the moonlight, the white tigers seemed to glow. They were doing an affectionate tumble, and Atsushi wondered if they would still recognise him. As if sensing his presence, the tigers looked up at him. One of them growled, bounding up to the edge of the enclosure and a rush of adrenaline ran through the boy. He climbed over the fence, wincing as he felt a blister burst, and he tumbled down to the safety net. It felt like déja vu when he landed and rolled onto the ground, facedown.

The tigers growled softly and Atsushi wondered if he had only been dreaming that fateful day five years ago - but his fears were alleviated almost immediately when one tiger walked over to him and licked him all over. He felt laughter bubbling up within him and the euphoria went to his head, making him even more light-headed than he already was. The other snapped its jaws around his scrawny ankle and dragged him to the cave where they presented to him a few slabs of meat. Atsushi eyed them warily and covered his mouth, resisting the urge to retch.

"Thanks," he said, hesitant, "but I can't eat that. Raw."

They watched him in silence, and the bigger one looked offended somehow. Atsushi reached his hand out slowly, and the tiger snorted against his palm as his fingers pressed into soft fur. It settled down next to him and he leaned against it, his heart thudding wildly. He fell asleep a while later, utterly exhausted from his journey.

* * *

When Atsushi woke up, the cave was empty. The tips of his fingers were numb with cold and he stepped out, wondering where the tigers were. He saw them standing at the pond, watching something in the water. He walked up to them and his stomach dropped when he saw a body floating facedown in the water.

What. Is he dead? Atsushi took a step back, his heart thudding. He watched the body float past, biting his lip. Oh, to hell with it!

He took a deep breath and dived into the water, pulling the man out with him and dragged himself onto the ground, panting. How on earth had the man ended up drowning in the pond?

He stared at the brunet as he sat up, his eyes flicking over to Atsushi's own.

"Tch."

Atsushi gaped. Had the man really...?

"I was hoping it would be successful today." The tigers snorted and bounded off, evidently unconcerned by the man.

"Well, nevermind," the man sighed, standing up and wringing the water out of his soggy coat. "I have no intention of burdening anyone when I take my life."

Atushi stared at the man with growing horror. He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea. The man had intended to commit suicide?

"Tell me," he held out a bandaged hand to Atsushi, "What are you doing here?"

Before the boy could respond, there was an enraged shout in the distance and a blond-haired man leaned over the railing, his features twisted into a prominent scowl.

"Dazai, you suicidal maniac! What the hell are you doing so early in the morning?!" He paused and stared at Atsushi for a few minutes, progressively turning paler.

"And what's that kid doing there?!" he yelled, waving a hardcover book in the air. "You better explain yourself!"

"Loosen up, Kunikida-kun," the man - Dazai - drawled, his gaze flicking to Atsushi. "As for the kid, I have no clue either."

Atsushi winced when the man's expression became murderous. "Get out," Kunikida growled, "and bring him with you."

"Well, you heard him," Dazai gave him a small smile. "Let's go."

He gestured for Atsushi to follow him to the exit of the enclosure and the boy took one last look at the tigers who had stopped to stare at him, their intelligent eyes resting on him even after he had walked out.

* * *

What followed was an ear-splitting lecture from the blond and, to Atsushi's utter confusion, demands for any qualifications from school.

"So?" Kunikida scowled, a vein twitching above his eyebrow and Atsushi was momentarily fascinated. A low growl jolted him back to the question at hand and he shook his head, his mouth cotton-dry. He swallowed a few times, trying to get the words out.

"I'm an orphan, and we had no schooling at the orphanage I was at. I only read books."

Kunikida's mouth was set in a hard line and he watched Atushi with a critical eye, as if evaluating him. "Dazai. What do you think?"

The brown-haired man sitting next to him leaned forward, his chin resting on his interlocked hands. There was something about his manner that reminded Atsushi of a snake waiting to strike. His accommodating smile was still in place, and he blinked.

"Well, he did survive the night without Tatara and Kagasuki killing him."

"You cannot be serious."

"Oh but I am, Kunikida-kun. And you know as well as I do how difficult it's been for their current handler."

The blond released a long-suffering sigh and rubbed his temples, his eyes squeezed shut. "I'm already schedule and now you want me to take in a snot-nosed brat instead of a qualified professional. Marvelous. Superb!"

Atsushi was finding it difficult to keep track of the conversation and Kunikida's distress was rolling off the man in waves. And then there was a loud growl. Both the men stared at Atsushi. He swallowed, one hand on his stomach.

"I might be a little hungry."

* * *

Kunikida was poring over his "Ideals" as Atsushi finished the last bowl of chazuke.

"Atsushi-kun, you said you don't have any place to stay or a job, right?"

Atsushi nodded, rolling part of his shirt between his fingers. A nervous habit.

"Then what do you say to getting a job at the zoo?"

That was, without doubt, the last straw for Kunikida who howled in rage and stabbed at a section of his book with his index finger. "Nowhere in this book is it written that we're accepting new employees! And unqualified ones who eat up my money at that!"

"Now, now, he must undergo training but I've never been wrong about our employees," Dazai said, and he looked like he was about to say more but he paused. Atsushi followed his gaze to the bronze oak tree that was resting at the entrance, its gnarled trunks spreading along the walls of the shop. It was a particularly fascinating design.

"It looks like a good place to hang from, if it were a little taller."

Atsushi blanched.

"We didn't come here for you to devise another morbid plan!" Kunikida hissed.

"What're you talking about?" Dazai turned to Kunikida, mock surprise running across his face. "Haven't you heard hanging on an oak tree helps migraines?"

"Seriously?" Kunikida gaped at Dazai before flipping his journal open to an empty page and furiously scribbling down what the other man had said. Atsushi watched in mute alarm. Were these really adult men?

"I was joking," Dazai added on afterthought.

The pen snapped in half and Kunikida throttled Dazai with intensity that was painful to watch. Atsushi made a few poor attempts at distracting them before asking what Dazai had meant about a job at the zoo. That caught their attention and the brown-haired man gave him a full-toothed smile.

"We're staff at Yokohama Zoo. We've been looking for a long-term handler for our white tigers. Most of our animals were rescued from various ugly situations and kept in sanctuaries. The ones who were healthy enough, we decided to keep have them in the zoo. Most of the time, these animals don't take well to their handlers and it requires a lot of patience and time to take care of them. The last zookeeper nearly got mauled."

"So… you want me to work with the tigers?" Atsushi asked, his eyes widening.

"Well, that's about it," Dazai nodded, looking pleased. Kunikida's expression said otherwise, but he grudgingly agreed to let Atsushi meet the Director.

The white-haired boy was beside himself with growing hope. Perhaps he could find somewhere he felt at home, for the first time in his life.

* * *

 _ **Thank you for your reviews! Glad you're enjoying so far :"))**_


	3. Chapter 3

Director Fukuzawa watched as Atsushi entered the enclosure, this time in a manner much less precarious than his first two entrances. The boy stood at the edge, rocking on his feet until the tigers bounded up to him, all growls and affectionate tugs. They nudged him until he landed on his back with an 'oomph' and struggled to push them away, well-aware that he looked beyond ridiculous.

When he finally stood up and dusted himself off, he attempted to appear as dignified as possible, plucking out the stray leaves in his hair. The Director had a slight built, but there was immeasurable power beyond that and a wisdom Atsushi could not even begin to comprehend, nestled in his almost-green eyes. He commanded attention, quiet, and dignified. He gave Atsushi a subtle nod of head.

"It appears our tigers have taken a liking to you."

"Yes," Atsushi said, adding "sir" as an afterthought.

"With a little training, he'll be fantastic, don't you think?" Dazai grinned, standing next to a disgruntled Kunikida.

Director Fukuzawa nodded and turned a stern glance on Atsushi. "I trust you will dedicate yourself to the task, if you wish to work with the animals?"

"Of course, sir! Thank you very much for the opportunity!" Atsushi bowed, his bangs falling over his eyes. When he straightened up, the Director gave him a firm nod and walked off, leaving Dazai to thump Atsushi on the back in congratulation and Kunikida gave him a half-smile.

"See, it all worked out, Atsushi-kun!"

"Welcome to the zoo, kid. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

* * *

In the months that followed, Atsushi followed various courses and underwent training to become an official employee at the zoo. He learnt that the tigers were named 'Tatara' and 'Kagasuki' after the two constellations under the domain of Byakko, a mythical beast who took the form of a white tiger. The beast was majestic, and it was on display on the information panel at the white tiger enclosure.

It wasn't just knowledge that Atsushi gained along the way; he found friends in the employees at the zoo, all quirky in their own way. So much so they could've held their own to Dazai. He became acquainted with the rest of the animals at the zoo as well and found out that the monkeys got some kick out of pulling his long lock of hair and tugging the stray end of his belt. In the end, Atsushi let it loose in the name of style, but Kenji had given him a knowing look in passing.

The zoo became much like a family, and he managed to rent a small room in an apartment block nearby, with Dazai's help.

The Incident happened one morning when he dashed out of his apartment, in a hurry to get to the zoo because he was on duty to guide tourists around and he had woken up a little too late. In his haste, Atsushi missed a step down, and he let out a yelp as he lost his balance and toppled forward. He scrunched his eyes shut, waiting for impact but- nothing. He squinted his heterochromatic eyes open, realising that there was a firm hold on the collar of his shirt. Something was keeping him teetering on the edge, alive. He set his feet on the steps, his heart drumming away. The grip on his shirt loosened. Breathless, Atsushi turned around and bowed to his saviour, his mouth dry as he looked up. The man (or was it boy?) eyed him impassively, a sudden breeze ruffling his dark bangs that turned white at the tips.

Atsushi caught a hold of himself and grabbed the railing, heat rising up his cheeks.

"Sorry!" he stammered, his voice rising a pitch. "I'll be more careful next time!"

Before he could see the man's response, he whipped around and dashed off, his heart hammering from a mixture of embarrassment and something he couldn't quite put a name to.

Atsushi willed it out of his mind, and he was doing a fantastic job at distracting himself.

That was, until, black scrawls surfaced spiralled out of control on his palm. He watched, dazed until a yelped of shock escaped him. Tankizaki hurried over, looking baffled.

"What's wrong?"

Atsushi lifted his hand up, at a loss for words. Tanizaki frowned and walked over to him, lightly grasping his palm and looking it over. "Did you cut yourself or something? I can- _Oh._ Sorry," he let go of Atsushi's hand hurriedly. "I didn't mean to look."

"What do you mean?" Atsushi whispered, blinking at the carrot-haired boy.

"What?" Tanizaki squinted. "No way. This is the first time?"

"But," Atsushi started, his words failing him. "This whole time. I mean, well. I thought I didn't have a soulmate."

"Wow," Tanizaki breathed, running hand through his hair. "Your soulmate must be- I can't even find a word to describe it."

Atsushi collapsed on a nearby bench with a groan, gazing up at the scribbles that had morphed into legible characters on his palm.

" _Even so, it doesn't matter."_

All his life, he had been certain that even fate had forsaken him, but it was evidently not so.

"Tanizaki-san, what are the chances of ever finding your soulmate?"

"Scientifically, it has been proven that a good sixty percent of the population find their soulmate by the time they're in their late twenties. But those numbers drop drastically after you hit forty. In your case," Ranpo leaned over to tap Atsushi on the forehead, "You might have a chance at finding them."

Atsushi nearly fell off the bench at the man's sudden appearance and he clung to the edge of the wood, eyes wide open.

"Ranpo-san, please don't do that!"

The man dismissed his plea with a wave of his hand and ambled off, a magnifying glass in hand. Tanizaki walked over to sit next to Atsushi, a grin on his face.

"Well, that makes things a little more exciting, don't you think?"

"Does it, really?" Atsushi frowned. "Are you supposed to be overwhelmed by this rush of love when you see them?"

"I don't know," Tanizaki shook his head, bemused. "I have doubts about finding my own, considering Naomi tapes up the area where writings appear."

Atsushi snorted. It wasn't hard to imagine the overzealous girl on a mission to thwart her brother's attempts at finding his soulmate.

"It'd be nice if I could my soulmate," Atsushi traced the darkening lines on his palm, "but… I can't help but wonder if they don't feel the same way."

"Well, only time will tell. Don't worry 'bout it. Dazai-san's soulmate wanted nothing to do with him at first, and they fight all the time but despite all that, they're still together. It's nauseating on some level, if you think about it."

"Ah. Wait- Huh?!"

Tanizaki snickered at Atsushi's expression, rubbing off a stray tear from his eye. "Yeah. You heard me right."

"But how's it possible that I haven't even heard of this until now?" Atsushi rubbed his temples.

"Well, most of us already know," came a voice behind them. Atushi turned to see Yosano, the most experienced vet at the zoo. "But it's also because his soulmate works at Yokohama Aquarium."

Atsushi's eyes widened in realisation. "Because they're our rivals?"

"Indeed."

"How did they meet, then?" Atsushi asked, eyebrows raised in question.

"You'll find out soon enough," Yosano replied, nodding in a particular direction. Atsushi followed her gaze, realising that the topic of their conversation was making a beeline straight towards them.

"Atsushi-kun!" Dazai clapped his hands on the younger boy's shoulders with a bright smile on his face, "I have a job for you!"

 _Oh boy._ That couldn't possibly be anything good.

* * *

Atushi was feeling a little hysterical. He attempted to tuck the loose lock of silver hair behind his ear but it slipped out and he shivered all over again. In a bid to calm himself down, he took another look at the dog-eared piece of paper in his hands. The words came to him even as he stared blankly at it so what could go wrong?

"Don't screw this up."

Of course. He looked up, facing the dark-haired man before him. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke - otherwise known as the ridiculously attractive man from his apartment block. Also an employee at Yokohama Aquarium.

"I- I'll do my best," Atsushi replied, his mouth dry. He was met with silence so he squeezed himself into the corner until the teacher walked in, startling him into a yelp. She gave him a warm smile and bowed.

"Follow me."

* * *

He nodded and followed her, Akutagawa at his side. She pushed open the door to the classroom, and he stepped in, biting his lip. The middle-schoolers were seated in the centre, chattering amongst themselves. The walls were adorned with pictures and silly posters. Akutagawa cleared his throat behind Atsushi, and the latter internally smacked himself. Upon seeing them, the students quieted down.

"We have our guests here today to talk about some of their most fascinating animals, as well what kind of work they do," the teacher began. "I hope you'll remember what I said and show them respect alright?"

A chorus of "Yes, Sensei!" followed, and the students straightened up, their curious gazes piercing Atsushi. A faint memory trickled into his mind - a ragtag group of children, their eyes filled with disdain. Atsushi shook his head, taking in a deep breath. He offered the children his best smile (praying it hadn't morphed into some hair-rising scowl).

"Good morning, everyone. I'm Atsushi from the Yokohama Zoo. How many of you have been there?"

A few hands went up, and Atsushi nodded. "That's great! Then, maybe you've already met my best friends." He held up a picture of Tatara and Kagasuki, and the teenagers burst into excited chatter.

"They've been my companions ever since I started working at the zoo and I've come to learn a lot of things. I'm really glad to be given the opportunity to tell you all about how amazing the experience has been. Akutagawa here has a lot to tell you about his time at the Yokohama Aquarium," he gestured to to the older man who was watching the adolescents expressionlessly.

 _Good going,_ he thought, snide. His discomfort was slowly evaporating.

It was almost as if Atsushi had spoken it out loud when Akutagawa turned to him, his piercing grey eyes narrowed. Atsushi swallowed and turned back to the children, his smile faltering a little under the dark gaze. "I hope you'll enjoy our visit today!" he bowed, resolutely avoiding looking at Akutagawa who had followed his lead. He would not lose to this good-looking ice prince, for sure.

* * *

 _ **Not sure when I'll post the next one, but enjoy for now! Sorry if I haven't replied to your reviews orz**_


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